DEEP THOTS

MEAGHAN GARVEY. I STILL DON'T "GET" TUMBLR.

2014 FIRST HALF

i’m probably forgetting something, but these are my favorite full-length things from the first half of this year. lot of great mixtapes, not so many great albums, whatever tho.

01. Lil Herb, Welcome To Fazoland

anyone saying “drill is expired” in 2014 just cause keef is biding his time can go suck an egg: this is what it all was leading up to. also read this.

02. Riff Raff, Neon Icon

read brandon on it: http://www.spin.com/articles/riff-raff-neon-icon-mad-decent-review/ and me on it: http://noisey.vice.com/blog/riff-raff-is-a-real-boy-with-a-real-great-album and fuck everyone else tbqh.

03. Sicko Mobb, Super Saiyan Vol. 1

this counts as 2014 idc.

04. Doughboyz Cashout, We Run The City 4

underrated as a mf. the only group that can get away with Pen & Pixel album art in 2014 cause they are truly actually about that.

05. Tink, Winter’s Diary 2

maybe in 2015 people can finally admit that she’s the most talented artist in Chicago idk.

06. Katie Got Bandz, Drillary Clinton 2

and maybe then we can all admit that Katie’s had the most consistent run in Chicago since 2011, other than mayyybe Durk, but you know, take your time.

07. Rome Fortune, Beautiful Pimp 2

idk, some things are just special and there’s not much else to say.

08. Ibn Inglor, New Wave 2

in a realm of his own, and he hasn’t even come close to reaching his full potential.

09. Casino, Frank Matthews

be real with yourself and admit Casino’s had a better 2014 than Future. he also had the best verse on “Move That Dope” but, you know, #Kermit.

10. Dreezy, Schizo

i’m not one to say i told you so, but the girl then proceeded to scorch Nicki on her own shit.

11. Katie Pearl, Make It Official

gets an honorary spot cause this is technically like a decade old, but it saw the light of day this year, and it’s incredible.

I’m working on a thing called postrebellion and postopinion. People are good right now at exhibiting their professed radicalizations. That seems like a new kind of virtuosity that I’m not interested in. There seems to be an imprimatur of being contemporary if you go to some kind of extreme. That’s a stuck place and I want to move away from that.

upnorthtrips:

Michael Jordan was drafted by the Chicago Bulls thirty years ago today.

upnorthtrips:

Michael Jordan was drafted by the Chicago Bulls thirty years ago today.

my mom died six years ago today. she had breast cancer, and i watched her fall apart over three or so years. the thing i usually hear when people reflect on tragedy is that it feels like it was just yesterday; for me, it feels like lifetimes have passed since she was alive. it almost feels like it happened to someone else, probably because i’m nothing like the person i was in 2008, or at least i try really hard not to be. everyone’s a shithead when they’re 21, probably, but i was a special kind of shithead, passive and avoidant and verging on alcoholism. soon i would drop out of school in south bend, indiana, a town that frankly should be bombed. i should have been more actively present in my family, i think about it all the time, but when you have to help your mom go to the bathroom, it’s stupidly easy to just run away.

i’ve been struggling for six years with this weird paradox of trying to “use” this to make myself a better person. it’s a struggle because it mostly feels like bullshit—if i’m being honest, my main takeaways are the realization that life is unfair as shit, and a sort of weird emotional flip-flop where insignificant problems send me into hysterics and major traumas are met with total fucking numbness. i’ve been on a mission to Be Better as some sort of late-pass retribution, like see mom i’m maybe not a total waste of potential, but considering i don’t believe in any form of afterlife, it’s sort of an empty gesture. (there was a moment a month after it happened: i went back to summer school in indiana to try, fruitlessly, to save my failing ass, and when my dad dropped me off he gave me a 4-disc set of chuckie dvds, which remains inexplicably hilarious to me. i ate mushrooms alone in my dorm room and watched them and naturally flipped the fuck out, but there was a moment at the end where i could feel her telling me it was going to be okay. i don’t know what to make of that now, though.)

i guess, if anything, i want to be gentler to people. i haven’t gotten very good at it yet but i keep reminding myself to try, and i hope that counts for something. watching my sisters finally start to thrive again helps.

miss you so much.