“bound 2” isn’t the best song of 2013. it’s not even the best song on yeezus.
i moved to brooklyn in june under the pretense of networking or some other bullshit i don’t actually care about. mostly, everything about chicago made me tired and sad. i spent the first half of the year staying up til sunrise, sleeping through the afternoon, living on the internet, and getting wasted alone. i would blink, repelled and disturbed, at the daylight like an alien. i lived in the same apartment building as my ex-boyfriend. i hated everyone.
yeezus leaked within the first few weeks of me moving. i lived with three strangers, at least one of whom loathed me, in crown heights; i hid in my room a lot. moving to new york is weird. the crushing realization that you ain’t shit hits meteorically. i lost focus. the morning it leaked i sat on my fire escape chain-smoking, drinking evan williams and sobbing. just sobbing. when “bound 2” hit i knew i was supposed to feel better—a nice comforting hug from the kanye of yore after the freakout—and that made it worse. i hadn’t felt so much like myself the whole time i’d been there, was the fucked up thing. i spent a lot of time this summer walking through crown heights and bed stuy at 3am, gasping for breath when the charlie wilson parts hit.
i almost moved back to chicago. i was homeless for a few weeks, i was broker than i’d been in years, men sucked, someone stole my phone and i couldn’t afford a new one. i went back for a week, staying at my dad’s house. i wanted to curl into the fetal position on his couch and never leave.
the night i flew back to new york i went straight to my favorite bar in bushwick. i got fucked up by myself and blatantly hit on a stranger, which i don’t think i’d ever done in my life. we molested the shit out of each other in a cab back to his place. i don’t remember any of it and i didn’t remember his name when we woke up and fucked again. later that week we fucked to “bound 2” playing on repeat. in that moment i knew i was going to marry him. we made it to thanksgiving. new york’s alright.